bad goblin

you don't know a bit about me, you don't know i live in new york, don't care about what i´m writing, you don't care about my needs even there's some very basic.
all you care its about you, and love its nothing if you only live it for yourself, love is a master collection of hits and i think i am good at it, because you can tell any shit at me but i was waiting for you all this time, and you were the one who decides to come back, you make it happen, i just fall because i was fallen from the beginning.
you dumped me because all you care its you, everything that you say its all about you, its not even about your girl its about you, maybe you learn to never cry, and to never love, but just because you morph into something like that it doesn't mean everyone its like you.
i learn a lot about love and my hits are the greatest, i think in love we do anything for that other person, and i did what i could for you and for my little girl, i was back at you to be with her too, and i get into your world, going to your house and being with your family, looking even the series you like, and being with you, not going anywhere just with you two.
but it means so little to you, you want more and more, and want me to be someone i am not, when you complain about so many things like take me to my job, you expose yourself, i will never complain about anything i done for you.
i learn to live transparent that's why i cant post in the web whatever i do. you still the same with secrets, with the broken soul, how could it be possible that you buy things when i hardly got something to eat. that its not love, and i don't blame you for not feeling in it buy why play with a heart that is so huge why making the same thing again and again its a shame duende... goblins are so silly....
you always tell bad things about me, to the people around you, and i really learn no to care i am used to that but i hope someday you tell the truth to the only one who cares for our love...

huge

he just dont think that this is all, he dont believe en the words that's all... but it looks like it is like that... hidden in the shadows, in the black dark places, he starres the lack of light and look how everybody pumps its own motor to the sames perspectives, he feels like he plays the role of a watcher, an observer... just to look the same old lifes with the same old ends, but he is there so everybody can see there is no one like him, someone who cant do what every body else is doing... some one who wakes late at night when everybody is sleeping, someone with eyes and heartbeats staring at the stars, too much stars, in the dark a delicious dark, looking for the queen of tha black boots, with huge lips, someone who lipsync his lips... he dont want to wake again with the same person who does the same thing in the morning... and ther in that little place where the shadows make a nest, in that tinny place where his eyes lose the whitning.... there in that place... he knwos that nobody is with him.... and finds theres none like him.... because he is huge.

scream

he just find what it needs
to say

good bye

to make her angry

to forget

every word

every dust

to forget

the key

it was always walking with her name on it, with the pretty messages, the pretty voice, the great looks, and evertyhing it was open.

always talking about her without saying her name, walking in a lot of air and dust, viewing the buildings feel lonely without her, turning the computer to look for her, looking for that demential way of loving and feeling drifted.

exahusted.

there's a very good feeling, he didn't saw what it would become all that ignites a messanger talk, a cell call, all the words trying to reach and to speak in a way that would get her attention.

tired.

it never knock on his door, it never call him on the phone, never a self inspired mail speech even to know how it was to feel the rain from a far away place, he always on and never on it.

like fog

in a subreal way of life, in the chair of chaos, in the black inside of everything, diggin the hole to hide, to get away... from her mute voice.... with still arms... with no hands.... no eyes.... no heart.

everthing's ruined

there's no help for this hand, for this flower, for this writting.
teher's no heart that can contain his soul and help him to heal...
there is no teacher who can tell him who to undo.

it was a key... he thougt it was going to open...
but not... she was just closing time
closing the needs of love

pushing the bottom to fade again...
like end credits...
like the last scene...
like the look of a dead...
fade to.... nothing
there's a way to become nothing...
and you got the key to do it

he learns a lot in how to be

cold

circle

Circle

Looking the remains of another sleepless night he get on his feet again, everything comes back to where it started.

Night to day
Sun to moon
Clouds to stars
Day work to exit hour
Drive to walk
Walk to drive
Talk to get quiet
Sadness to happiness
Noise to silence
Wake to sleep

Everything get back… just sit and relax opens a tequila bottle, and get back to his apartment turn his guitar on and play again another song…

Circle

Yesterday he was crying and now his looking forward to find what makes this world go around in circles

Crying to heal

Healing to ?

friday night

everythings turns gray and he just looks out to give a step to the door, looking the sky with nothing new, looking the walls with nothing new, looking the souls with nothing new, he just forgets for one second that all new comes from inside his heart, he pumps out a big idea.

smile

not so new

but its new to him

he walks for a friday night... a new one

Only rain

Seeing the sheets of unfinished writings, the clothing mess the one she hate the most, all the food without being eaten, in the bathroom, the light it’s on waiting like some hope of killing memories, the TV tries to speak it’s no good a favourite channel in the morning so just tries a little buzz echoing that kind a buzz that we are used to hear and we don’t care a buzz that makes this city what it is, its just one more day, the dawn show its face, and he’s there staring at the glass and remembering that smooth lips, and the beauty of that first kiss, he just looks down and also remembers that little dog who use to kiss him all the time, always licking his noose, suddenly he just look that everything in that house it just stares at him, without moving, all its quiet….

Cloudy and blurry, with the weight of a lot of yesterday’s beers competition, without hunger, and with hunger of being hungry, without think, trying to not have feelings and looking at the keys, he don’t remember that last night he puts the 3 keys in the black table 1.- house keys, 2.- car keys 3.- secret key, ready to go and with no memories of that stoned night, ready to see how the rain its falling, this day it’s a black cloth day…

He just sit on, and see every window… waiting for some post, waiting Phosphorescent that light that still without saying words, having her in her minds just drop him to a middle man. He connects to this little job of typing and talking about how bigs the industries can be, trying to talk about her but there’s no one to care, today the songs that makes him miss her was “Cielo Gris” he just hear it a lot seeing how the sky it was grey as grey as his thoughts about her, he just knows that she don’t feel the same… but he’s just guessing how she feel, looking every window, every drop of water he tries to see her face, someone should do a software that makes windows rain and being filled with drops of water, raining in every window will make the day better… and will make him see her face that faces she makes when there were things she don’t like…

And there the hours goes bye, the evening comes with lots of water, he’s just thinks about all the moments she have been through and the way she didn’t want to fight for their love, he’s thinking about a wedding and how he would miss to take her to that wedding, he stops and remembers her legs moving over in the bed, and he knows that the day after this day it will be the same and don’t have words to think, a mind with no words to think he had become, he knows this days would be grey with some hell moments where the feet cant move… moments when he stops and just think in that old great memories, love is full when that moments are blessed and when those moments make love to that person…

Its rain and he wants to get wet, he wants to walk and he’s walking while the rain its falling, the sky it’s a beautiful grey and the song “cielo gris” sound in his mind he miss her and he want to think that she miss him, but this is a rain for being free only rain, he just look at the people hiding and running people that looks like if they were painted in the background of some picture a big picture with no thing to care, a nostalgic one..

He opens the door, he get to his chair, the new one and drinks the bottle, the eternal one, he tries this night not to think about her… a tear comes just like the rain and he just want to know how she could have drink those tablets of oblivion